Wednesday, September 7, 2016

The Vampire Cortez

Previously On Mystic Investigations (Click Here For Part 1)…
Cortez CompoundThe Vampire Cortez is listed in the global vampire archives as a despicable 971 year old 4th generation vampire who preys on humans for blood, and relishes in a prolonged agonizing kill! All generations of vampire 13, and higher are considered royalty to some extent so we had to tread lightly with this blasphemous bastard for fear of incurring the wrath of Transylvanian First Generation Royals! Especially since this puke appears to have participated in at least a handful of human hunts with Dracula back in the 1800’s. We’re not sure if they’ve kept in touch but if Dracula didn’t kill him then he must consider him at least worth a crap! Cortez holds the official vampire royal title of Marquess Of Central Colorado which gave him further prestige, and protection courtesy of higher level vampires!  So we had our work cut out for us if we were to save the newly discovered Immortal Fred Jacobson from his clutches!

The only thing on our side was the fact that apparently Cortez had a reputation for reckless rampages that threatened to expose vampires to the world.  He received a few slaps on the wrist from Transylvania, and wised up. He now satisfies his insatiable blood lust, and need to murder humans via elaborate gaslighting schemes. Especially when dealing with beings possessing special blood such as Immortals. Basically he, and his thugs drive their victims crazy, and then pose as mental health officials who implore families to commit the victim for their own good. This was the case with Fred who eventually began to act sane once we hid him at one of our safe houses. Unfortunately when dealing with vampires, and their insane sense of smell, instinct, and psychic abilities, it’s rather hard to hide from them!  We had to keep moving Fred around until we resolved this matter one way or another!

Our Scottish vampire associate Drake Alexander is known as somewhat of an outsider who has no interest in being apart of the vampire royal hierarchy.  Since he is a 5th generation vampire they leave him alone for the most part. Especially since his vampire mother, Duanna Sargon, is an extremely beguiling ancient 4th generation vampire princess who is beloved by many royals including King Dagan. Although his wife Queen Gula is very jealous of her. It’s rumored Dagan, and Duanna once had an affair back in 344 BC Ancient Greece. Supposedly they did it at Aristotle’s house. Amazingly we do know for sure that Dagan made him a vampire, and he’s still alive somewhere in Greece!  As for the rest unfortunately it’s not one of those things you can just casually ask a person! Believe me I’m dying to know! So Duanna will visit Cortez, and do all the talking with Drake in tow just in case there’s any trouble. The rest of us would not be welcome there…well we would as dinner!

The Demi-Zombie Ashley Abercrombie was doing better but still feels deep remorse over killing those four thugs in white. We still can be believe she went full zombie on them!  You should never go full zombie! The Good Witch Rebecca Abernathy returned from Ashley’s house now that her boyfriend, the Werewolf Seth Morgan, was back in town. She wanted to just go ahead with a frontal assault on the Vampire Cortez’s Colorado Springs compound wiping out his entire organization leaving no clue of our involvement behind. I’m not sure if we have the power to do that but Rebecca is usually the impulsive one who wants to mow through the forces of darkness with her powerful witchcraft. The total opposite of the normally calm, reserved, and rational Ashley Abercrombie. Rebecca was disappointed in seeing no action but I told her to be ready just in case!  Certainly the Vampire Cortez, and all his cohorts deserved to die since Vampire Slayers consider him a top prize in Colorado. It’s estimated he’s the most prolific killer of humans in our State, and possibly the entire Western United States!

Duanna flew in on her private jet from her palace in Turkey, and went with Drake to the Cortez Compound not long after sunset.  Not only were there human minions but also vampire thugs as well. They all looked upon Duanna with lust but Drake with disgust. Drake was disgusted as well to see various human males, and females lying about who looked emaciated as they were drained of blood under the hypnotic spell of the living dead. Cortez happily greeted his guests in his den of iniquity, and hid his disdain for Drake. The plan was to charm him before breaching the subject of Fred.  An egotistical vampire with his level of pride was sure to say no without some buttering up.  He got very intimate with Duanna as they snuggled, and giggled near the hearth while Drake sat in a chair nearby nursing his 100 year old Scotch. Finally Duanna asked if he could release Fred Jacobson to them in exchange for a future favor. A favor from a powerful Vampiress like Duanna was worth a lot in the vampire community!

Despite this he still refused until Drake said,”We’ll give you the Immortal Keanu Reeves!” That got his attention as he had a look of pleasant surprise on his face. Even dare I say a slight sign of a joyful tear appeared! He replied,”Oh sweet son of Satan are you serious? You can get me the Immortal Reeves?”  Drake responded,”Yes he thinks we’re good friends so I can lure him here.”  Cortez then inquired,”Why would you give up the most prized human blood asset on Earth for a pathetic sub-standard immortal slob like Fred?” Drake then lied, and said,”Keanu has insulted me on several occasions, and his ego needs to be taken down a few pegs! It’s the perfect opportunity to teach him a lesson, and solve our little problem.  You don’t mind if I visit every so often to gloat, and taunt him?” Cortez finally agreed,”Oh of course I wouldn’t mind welcoming the man who made me the envy of the vampire world! Reeves I would not extinguish! He would be a fine wine to savour for all eternity! Yes if you can get me Keanu then Fred is yours! Not much of a deal on your end but whatever floats your boat pal!”

He cackled like a loon for a bit as Duanna, and Drake prepared to leave. Suddenly he said,”Ah Duanna I think we have some unfinished business my dear!  I do believe a sign of good faith would help me believe you’re really going to hand Keanu over to me! This just all seems too good to be true! After centuries of eluding us the holy grail of blood is just tossed on my doorstep like an edition of The Gazette!”  Duanna sighed a bit, and strolled toward Cortez smiling seductively before passionately kissing him. They then both headed upstairs to his bedroom suite.  Drake was about to protest but Duanna raised a hand silently ordering him to back down.  He sat back in his chair, and his super hearing eventually heard amorous sounds coming from upstairs. He was quite agitated by the unsavory situation but kept his cool while he sat alone in the dimly lit den.

Twenty minutes passed, and he eventually blocked out the salacious sounds.  Especially since another noise hit his ears. A noise of silent desperation. A girl who couldn’t have been more than 13 was crying in the basement,”I want to go home! Mommy help me!” Suddenly the deep voice of a man screamed,”Shut up you little brat! Master will have you later tonight!” He laughed maniacally as the sound of a metal door slamming shut could be heard. Drake knew they were here on a specific mission, and it wasn’t to save all the lost human souls in this hell hole. It went against everything he stood for. After hearing the girl cry for five more minutes along with empathically feeling the living hell all manner of people were going through he had enough!

Drake strolled out of the den, and was immediately halted with two hands on his chest. One from each of two guards standing outside the door.  Both were vampires.  Drake smiled, and said,”I’m dying for some blood! Could I please visit your blood cellar?”  One of them angrily replied,”Nobody gets blood in this house unless Master commands it! Get back in the den traitor!”  Drake then replied,”I’m not a traitor! I just want to be free, and live my own way.”  The other one responded,”Yeah we know you kill our kind you bastard! If Master ordered us we’d stake your ass right now!”  Drake’s grin left his face as his eyes glowed seriously crimson, and he appeared a bit monstrous with fangs extended.  Drake then exclaimed,”Thankfully I’m not a pathetic lackey who kisses a Masters ass. I don’t need anyone’s permission to do this!”  Drake pulled out a wooden stake, and vanquished the two vampires before they could say a word. They burst into unholy violet flames, and were ash within seconds.

Another vampire had been walking nearby, and came running since the sound of extinguished vampire makes a very distinct noise. Drake quickly snapped his neck, and then proceeded to decapitate him with his bare hands causing another cloud of ash to fly about the now smokey room! Luckily there were no surveillance cams as they couldn’t risk someone tapping into the feed, and having video proof of vampires for the mainstream media to see!  Drake looked around nervously as he called Rebecca Abernathy on his cell phone. He whispered, “It’s a go! I’m taking down this sick bastard!” Rebecca excitedly replied,”Yes!” She was right outside the compound as she bellowed,”Mystic Sphere!“, and flew on to the property in her protective witchcraft based pink metaphysical energy bubble. As she came whizzing on to the compound grounds some guards looked up, and fired machine guns at her but the bullets bounced off. Flying in behind her was the rest of our team in the Mysticopter flown by none other than myself with Ex-Navy Seal Hunter Jackson in the co-pilot seat.  It’s a highly advanced military attack helicopter with all manner of weaponry. Certainly it’s not legal to own but nobody can prove it even exists! While Rebecca fired volleys of magical energies we shot bullets, and missiles with extreme prejudice!

Meanwhile in Cortez’s bedroom his super senses, including his psychic abilities, had no indication of the carnage reigning down on his despicable compound. Despite him, and Duanna being 4th Generation vampires, she was far more powerful due to being over 4000 years old while he was a spring chicken at barely 1000 years old!  She had him completely compelled in her sensual love trance. This was necessary to prevent him from psychically informing the royals around the world that Mystic Investigations had attacked him!  The other vampires were quite young, and not powerful enough to do that. They were sire bonded to Cortez who was their Master. Their living dead father who brought them across into the dark shadows of bloody eternal damnation!

We landed the chopper just as Rebecca’s supernatural sphere crashed through the front doors causing splinters to fly about.  Our talented team followed her in dressed in black military garb armed with everything in our arsenal!  Drake continued to stalk, and stake vampires, and guards around the house while we took the rest head on.  He began rounding up humans captives, and guiding them out the back doors. Drake made his way to the basement, and witnessed the sheer horror of innocent people locked away in lion cages. In fact there were a few cages with lions, tigers, and grizzly bears in them! Apparently Cortez was a big shot who liked to show off by wresting wild animals! Drake began releasing people, and guiding them to the exits while talking down armed punks along the way. He was riddled with bullets but they didn’t affect his living dead body! He was about to unlock the cage of the girl he heard crying when a huge heavy set 7 foot tall vampire headlocked him from behind!  Drake was a very muscular 6′ 2″. However he was puny in comparison to this vampire hulk! Of course in the supernatural world, especially when it comes to vampires, size doesn’t usually mean a thing!  It’s unknown who this vampire was but Drake was in the fight of his life even being a 5th generation 740 something vamp.  He bit into the flesh of the vampires arm causing him to howl out in pain, and release Drake. The girl in the cage screeched loudly as they punched, and kicked each other racing around the room at speeds so fast that the human eye could barely keep track of the two!

The vampire hulk was getting desperate, and started releasing animals from the cages. Clearly the hulk must be the one who feeds them because they all ignored him, and went for Drake! He swatted off the behemoth beasts like he was batting away annoying squirrels. However they were enough of a distraction for the hulk to get the upper hand. He got Drake in another headlock with one arm while wielding a stake from behind with the other. He started pressing it on Drake’s chest. Two lions, and a tiger were biting chunks of flesh out of Drake’s legs as he yelled out in unimaginable pain!  Then a big bear literally bit his balls right off causing a shriek so loud that it shattered all the glass in the basement! No worries those grow back on a vampire! LOL!

Upstairs bullets, knives, stakes, Chinese Stars, and even kitchen sinks were flying all over the place. It was a war zone as the mansion was lit ablaze by vampires bursting into final flames. Rebecca’s magical reserves were waning, and she took to hand to hand combat beating the hell out of two vampires via her Demi-Mermaid strength, speed, and agility.  She then used her hydrokinetic mermaid powers to launch a firehose force stream of water from a pipe nearby. It blasted two other vampires right though a giant window! Julia Hathaway was tossing vamps, and human guards aside with her telekinesis when she came to Rebecca’s side, and said,” I sense Drake is about to die!”  Upstairs Duanna sensed the same thing to her horror. It was enough of a distraction to weaken her hold on Cortez. He suddenly became aware of more than half his men being dead as the sounds of gunfire, and screams wafted upstairs with the smell of his house on fire!

Cortez attempted to get up but Duanna was on top of him. She held him down forcibly as both their eyes glowed red with anger. He finally launched her to the ceiling causing plaster to reign down as he sped away naked at super speed! After she hit the bed, and it collapsed, she darted away after him at lightning speed buck naked as well! However a trap door was activated, and she plummeted into a sub-basement dungeon knee deep with swampy water chock full of crocodiles!  Somewhat dazed after hitting her head on the stone floor she raised above the water line to see a dozen crocs closed in on her with jaw snapping hunger for flesh of any type.  She then had a sly grin on her face as she said,”Well this should be interesting!”

There was no lull in the battle to call upon nature deities for power so Rebecca concentrated all her metaphysical power reserves to reanimate her Mystic Sphere.  It crashed down through the floor with her inside, and she hit the vampire hulk from behind sending both him, Drake, the lions, the tiger, and bear flying into a concrete wall that crumbled.  All the creatures, including Drake, and the hulk vamp, were dazed as Rebecca helped the 13 year old girl, and others left from their cages. Rebecca knew Drake was fine. A head on crash into a concrete wall was no big woof for him! The wild animals shook off the attack running toward Rebecca but she waved her hand, and they sat obediently.  All the beasts were under her dominion courtesy of her Zoopathic animal control powers! As A Demi-Mermaid this worked perfectly with sea life, and to varying degrees with land animals.

The Hulk finally got up, and punt kicked a still groggy Drake into another concrete wall causing it to crumble. He then proceed to launch himself at Rebecca! He tackled her to the ground roaring like a lion with fangs extended, and eyes illuminated in a state of rage! Her Mermaid strength was no match for this gargantuan vampire. He leaned in ever closer to her neck as he prepared to savour her sweet magical mermaid blood which would unfortunately grant him temporary Mermaid, and Witchcraft powers. He would be virtually unstoppable for a number of hours if that happened!  Just as he was about to sink his teeth into her he stopped short with a dumb look on his face as he began chuckling like a little girl.  Suddenly he burst into purple flames, and turned to gray paranormal powder raining all over Rebecca. When the dust cleared the 13 year old girl was standing there with a stake smiling from ear to ear.  She helped Rebecca up, and said,”I come from a long line of vampire slayers. I was in training with my mother when Cortez kidnapped me!” Drake hobbled over on his virtual skeleton legs with most of the flesh eaten off it, and said,”Let’s finish these bastards off, and get the hell out of here!”

Everyone, including the young vampire slayer, loaded onto the Mysticopter, and I forcibly declared,”Let’s light these bastards up!”  Machine gun fire, and bullets reigned terror upon the compound, and the minions of Cortez remaining.  Ashley Abercrombie, and one of our investigators Elizabeth Weatherly took the innocent victims away into the safety of the woods in back of the compound. We were hovering low taking out some straggling vamps running out the front of the burning hulk of a mansion in a panic! All the sudden the nutty naked Vampire Cortez super leaps on to the windshield of the helicopter with a deranged menacing stare. The red radiation of his eyes lit up our dark cockpit.  We could hear his the spine tingling otherworldly growling coming from his fang ridden mouth. He immediately punched through the windshield, and grabbed me by the neck. Hunter struggled to keep the chopper in the air as the rest of the team came to my aid!  He ripped my throat clean out as Drake, and Rebecca dragged him in.  Rebecca whaled in agony,”You killed my boyfriend you damn filthy bastard!”  She started choking him as Drake helped hold him down with one hand while going for a stake with another.  Our teenage bionic boy wonder Zack Powers, and the young vampire slayer along with Seth was helping hold him down but he eventually launched everyone off into control panels damaging them.

The alarm bells sounded as Hunter had no choice but to land the Mysticopter! I was totally dead in the pilot’s seat as everyone attempted to fight off the crazed Cortez.  Hunter got out of the chopper with his machine gun to finish off the remaining vampires who were running toward us! Thankfully a naked Duanna came running out of the flaming mansion. Although she was sliced up quite a bit from the Crocs!  Everyone was completely tuckered out, and bloody battling Cortez. He was about to finish everyone off when he spun around, and smiled at Duana who smiled back.  His grin turned to grimace as she held his tiny black heart in her hands before his very startled eyes!. She had plunged her hand through his rib cage, and scooped his heart out. He uttered his final words,”You bitch!” just as she squeezed it to dust in her hands! He briefly burst into flames before turning to a pile of ash that blew out into the compound yard as nothing more than dust in the wayward wind!  Drake carried me out, and sat me on the lawn. As he, and Duanna both bit into their wrists letting their healing vampire blood drip upon my absent throat. Duanna worryingly said,”It might not be enough!”  Rebecca then took a pouch of healing herbs out, and sprinkled it on the blood as well. She then recited an incantation,”Oh harmonious Hygieia Goddess of healing I call unto thee to repair the ravages of darkness upon the one I love!  I humbly implore you to let your medicinal magic manifest through me with care!”  The blood, and herbs shimmered red, white, and pink causing my throat to reform.  I woke up coughing rather heavily but I was alive, and well!

The mansion blaze was the biggest fire I had ever seen as we could hear fire, and police sirens in the distance.  We all scrambled back into the Mysticopter but it waned as we tried to lift her off the ground.  Zack Powers did some of his computer wizardry, and actually interfaced his bionic circuits into the helicopter’s controls. It lifted up as the authorities arrived.  We were about to be spotted so Hunter took a chance, and hit the experimental mach speed button.  We flashed away with a sonic boom into the dark night leaving behind vampire ash, and a wall of orange flames along with flashing red, and blue lights.

Back at Mystic Investigations Headquarters Duanna, now clothed, informed us that Cortez was never able to psychically contact any vampires outside the compound due toKeanu Reeves being so enraged by our attack!  We contacted our friend Sheriff Blake Maverick to get the Vampire Cortez’s human captives medical attention, and transport to their homes. Thankfully most of them were in a vampire feeding induced mental haze. As it wore off they forgot about everything including the vampires! Fred was watching a movie in our VIP lounge, and we reassured him that he was safe to live out his immortal life. However he would eventually face various dangers both supernatural, and otherwise. He needed a wise mentor who had lived for centuries surviving all manner of threats.  We had called our good friend the Immortal Keanu Reeves about this matter. In fact he was prepared to join us in battle but pressing matters prevented him from arriving in time.  However as we entered the cafeteria for a well deserved post-battle dinner he walked from the shadows of the vending machines smiling.  We all laughed at how excited Fred was as he gushed all over Keanu with elated glee. LOL!

Keanu joined us for dinner as he explained to Fred that he would now be under his protection as he taught him the ways of being an Immortal.  Keanu was even kind enough to give a pint of his blood to Drake, and Duanna who said it was the best blood they ever had!  We had all manner of food pre-cooked, and ready to heat up quickly since we’re always beyond hungry after a supernatural battle! An hour later the young vampire slayers mother ran in with tears of joy in her eyes as she embraced her daughter. She joined us in our celebration as well, and we spoke of working with her in the future.

That night as we all slept soundly in our respective beds at our houses we all noted that we woke up in terror at the exactly 3:00 AM, The Devil’s Hour! Just before we awoke we all had the same vexing vision of the vampire Dracula! I’m sure it was just a coincidence!

Also Read How The Vampire Drake Alexander Met The Immortal Keanu Reeves!

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from Mystic Investigations Paranormal Stories

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

The Labor Day Time Traveler

LakesideOur paranormal investigations team had It’s annual Labor Day Picnic at Luminary Lake. All was well until a crazed looking man in his early 20’s, named Chad Addams, ran up to our group of tables. I nearly choked on my hot dog as he yelled,”Are you the Mystic Investigations folks?” He claimed he had time traveled from the year 1970 via a one way time machine he invented. Apparently he was smart enough to check a phone book for paranormal investigators as anyone else would brand him a loon! Our phone message told him we were at the park by the lake celebrating Labor Day.

Chad had purposely set his time machine for 40 years into the future to see the wonders he had dreamed of.  His device was off by 6 years but was still he was deeply disappointed. The internet, and little smart gadgets were cool but in general the future didn’t look very futuristic! He was especially puzzled by the clunky looking cars, and the amazing number of pick-up trucks. Especially with the depleted number of farms. We explained to him that the farm truck craze was an odd effect of low self-esteem in our society. Bigger vehicles make many feel tough in a time when many feel helpless in the face of our broken society. He had expected to see sleek sports cars everywhere as most visions of the future have. He was also disappointed by the lack of progress after the Moon landings, and thought we would have Moon colonies along with the first person already being on Mars by now.  We pointed out that the space race eventually petered out, and NASA was seriously underfunded.  Although most likely a new space race would flare with China who has future plans to conquer the Moon!

Our psychic Julia Hathaway confirmed he was a time traveler from the past.  All courtesy of a crude device intended for his final college physics project.  A device that didn’t travel with him, and propelled him forward into time.  He had optimistically assumed mainstream time travel would exist by now!  We searched the internet for a scientist bearing his name but found none. We searched further though the wizardry of wi-fi to discover he had been reported missing in 1970, and later declared dead by his family in 1971.  As an only child he was devastated to find out his parents had died in the early 2000’s!  Clearly he had never returned home. We informed him that we could probably return him to 1970 with the help of our witch Rebecca Abernathy, and her coven.  Of course he would end up in a near identical parallel Universe just as he had arrived from.  All time travel including everyone’s daily jaunt one minute at a time into the future moves us five dimensionally to near identical realties. The Universe’s way to prevent perplexing paradoxes.

Unfortunately with Halloween just around the corner the coven couldn’t compromise their paranormal power reserves in the battle against evil.  Time travel uses a mega load of metaphysical energy!  The best we could do is January of 2017 but there was also the option of taking him to Santa Claus’s North Pole City.  A place top flight supernatural warriors such as ourselves go to unwind each Christmas.  Surely Santa, a Demi-Angel, could send him home.  As long as Chad knew he could go home he was fine with exploring our time for a matter of months. He joined us on our Labor Day picnic, and noted how the food tasted different from his time. Especially the sweets. We mentioned the artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, GMO’s, and other additives poisoning our food supply. He was shocked the average citizen didn’t seem to care just so as long as they could keep their weight down. Yet he couldn’t believe how many overweight people there were as well! He even noted that the air smelled different.  I said it was probably the government’s top secret geoengineering chemtrail projects. He just shook his head in disbelief, and said,”Man Nixon would never pull this type crap!”  We all laughed, and told him about Tricky Dick’s downfall.

I let him watch Back To The Future Part 2 On Netflix, and said I was disappointed as well in the future!  Chad was certainly impressed by the amazing special effects of movies. We were all having fun when two men wearing black suits approached us, and grabbed Chad as one forcibly stated,”He’s coming with us!” Our team immediately grabbed them, and I said,”I don’t think so pal!”  They presented their ID’s as US Paranormal Defense Agents but Julia knew they were a fraud.  We dragged them into the woods away from prying eyes, and Drake Alexander, our hypnotic vampire, finally convinced them to tell the truth! They admitted they were time cops from the 25th century, and had detected a temporal incursion.  They were well aware of my time traveling brother Michael Remington, currently lost in time, who they consider a temporal offender.  I then said,”You know we’ve told you people before that time travel sends everyone to parallel Universes so this temporal enforcement crap is useless!” The agent replied,”Sir we have no scientific evidence of that! Until that day we must assume the timeline has been compromised, and act accordingly! We apologize for any inconvenience but this man must come with us!” I answered,”Well no matter what he’s not coming with you!”  The agent demanded,”It’s imperative that he comes with us Sir! If not us then others will follow until the mission is complete! ”

They planned to take him to the 25th century since his knowledge of time travel in the past was unacceptable. Even erasing his memory wasn’t insurance enough since he could re-discover time travel. After discussing things further along with Julia reading their minds we believed that they would allow Chad to live a normal life in the future. Although initially under a period of probationary surveillance. Chad was intrigued, and wanted to see video of what the future was like.  The agents reluctantly produced a small clear paper thin device that displaced video images of the 25th century.  Certainly no archaic farm trucks there! Gleaming high tech cities with flying vehicles flowing into outer space at will! He decided he wanted to go after the agents said he could eventually be a time cop if he wanted.  Chad knew he could then secretly visit his parents someday under the guise of a mission, and reassure them he was well.

The agents, and Chad stepped away from us. One agent hit a pad on his wrist, and they teleported in time within a dazzlingly display of glittering energy!  We were about to walk back to our tables when Chad teleported back wearing a black suit.  He smiled saying,”I can only stay for a minute! I’ve been in the 25th century for 15 years, and became a time cop! It’s beyond groovy! I’m going to see my parents now! Thanks for your help!” He then disappeared just as quickly as he appeared.  As we walked away happy things had turned out for the best I asked Julia,”Is it just me or did those agents seem extremely polite to me in particular?” They almost treated me as if I was some authority figure they knew. Julia just smiled, and said,”Oh it’s hard to say what the future holds Xavier!”

Our Other Labor Day Stories

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from Mystic Investigations Paranormal Stories

Monday, August 1, 2016

The Kook And The Zombie Attack!

Kook PatrolIt was about 2:15 PM Friday afternoon at Mystic Investigations headquarters as we went about our supernatural business. Everyone was looking forward to the fun filled weekend! Except those of us who choose to sacrifice our personal time to patrol the community, and rid it of any metaphysical menaces. Most of our executives were out on paranormal investigations including our most powerful team members that included a Demi-Mermaid Witch, a telekinetic psychic, a human form werewolf, and an Ex-Navy Seal. Our vampire Executive VP was working from home. All was quiet, the way I like it, when all the sudden a crazy chubby guy bursts into our sunny lobby. He was sweating profusely even though he was wearing a rather thin Batman t-shirt, and plaid shorts.  The weirdo was on his cell phone screaming about not wanting to be committed to the funny farm.  Our receptionist Barb Gerber was frozen in fear as he came flying at her with a wild look in his deranged eyes. He bellowed,”Somebody help me! They’re after me! I don’t want to go to the looney bin!”  He was so loud that most of us working upstairs heard the commotion.  As President of Mystic Investigations I immediately sprung into action, and bolted from my office to the 2nd floor balcony looking down into the lobby. The rest of the employees upstairs came running up behind me.

The kook was now frantically grabbing at Barb who pushed the panic alarm that proceeded to wail throughout our entire facility complete with flashing red light.  This also triggered sensitive areas to automatically be locked down. He whined loudly,”They’re going to put me in a straight jacket in the cuckoo house!  For the love of God please help me!” I don’t want to go to the rubber room!” He then screamed into the phone,”F*ck you bastards! I’ll die before I go to your hell hole!” He launched the phone at the wall, and it smashed into 1000 pieces as other employees on the first floor cautiously peered from two entrances into the lobby. I had seen enough of this insanity, and leaped over the balcony landing on my feet in the lobby as I have extensive training in Ninjutsu acrobatics!  I grabbed the bastards arm, and spun him around to give the old school Liam Neeson “Taken” style throat chop.  The chubby fool fell to the floor holding his throat now sobbing, and coughing profusely. I then calmly announced,”Okay folks everyone back to work! Nothing to see here! Everything is okay!”

Doctor Ashley Abercrombie, our Demi-Zombie Cryptozoologist, emerged from her basement laboratory after hearing the alarm.  She asked if everything was okay, and I pointed to the man lying on the floor still crying, and gagging.  I then said,”Yeah this nut burger needs a sedative or something!” I chuckled a bit as I spoke to the guy,”Hey pal just shake it off. It’s not that bad!” I exclaimed to Ashley,”I think he’s just over exaggerating! It was just a light tap to the throat area.”  She examined his neck, and was about to take a syringe from her lab jacket when four muscular men in white came in.  They looked like orderly’s from a mental institution.  The approached me, and said,”Ah there’s the bastard! He got away from us!” as they pointed to the wacko. They all smirked a bit, and flashed a paper while saying,”We got commitment orders for this guy. Looks like you saved us the trouble of sedating him.”  We all laughed lightly as Ashley stated,”I was just actually about to administer a sedative.”  The man in white asked,”Are you a Doctor?” Ashley stated she was licensed to practice medicine in Colorado so they allowed her to give the man a much needed sedative. He quickly calmed down, and was only lightly sobbing, and coughing every so often now. The man in white then said,”Okay we’ll take this loon off your hands. Do you need any statement for the police?” I replied,”Nah it’s not even worth the trouble to call them. Just give this poor bastard the help he so desperately needs” The man answered,”Oh we will Sir! Thanks for containing this menace to society!”  I responded,”Ah don’t mention it. The day was kind of boring until this happened.”

Two of the men grabbed the now calm mental patient by each arm as he shuffled barely able to walk under the influence of the sedative.  Ashley suddenly questioned them as they neared the front door, “Are you taking him to the Shadowbrook Institute?”  The man in white turned around smiling,”Yeah Miss! We’ll take good care of him there! Thanks for your help!” Ashley then forceful declared,”That’s odd since Shadowbrook closed three years ago!” I then yelled,”Hey wait a minute! Let me see those commitment papers again!”  All the men dashed for the door but I whipped out my remote security control to lock it.  Now trapped within they all turned around no longer smiling as one said,”Damn you just had to stick your nose where it didn’t belong!”  The chubby guy turned around crying while silently pleading,”Please help me.”

The head thug in white pulled out a handgun and fired point blank at me!  Ashley leaped in front of me taking the slug like a trooper.  Naturally she’s half zombie, and can’t be killed by a simple bullet. Just as she fell to the floor I speedily front hand sprung toward the gun totting bastard, and kicked the gun from his hand as I took on all four of the hefty men in white.  The chubby guy fell to the floor like a helpless slug while Ashley appeared dead. Soon she would self-resurrect as per the power of her unique stable zombie DNA.  A number of employees had fled the building upon hearing the alarm, and the rest who remained were just office workers with no fighting skill or supernatural field experience so I was on my own.  Barb the receptionist quickly dialed the police as I battled the rather large men utilizing not only my Ninjutsu skills but also my extensive Kung Fu skills. Humans can never learn enough martial arts when facing paranormal beings with superpowers on a weekly basis!

The other men attempted to pull out their guns but my lightning quick blows disarmed them with the guns kicked under furniture, and behind large potted plants in the warm sun drenched lobby.  Finally three of the men were on the ground attempting to recover from precision punches, and kicks but one snuck up behind me!  The bastard put me in a chokehold as he sarcastically whispered in my ear,”Don’t fight it jackass! Don’t fight it!” Another thug got up, and began belting me in the face, and stomach while laughing maniacally. Some of the employees attempted to help me but they were immediately swatted away by the other two who staggered up. Ashley sprung up from the floor right behind the man who had me in the chokehold. She bit a huge chunk of flesh out of his neck despite fighting the zombie urge to eat human flesh her entire life.  Blood spurted everywhere as the man screamed in terror now infected with the zombie virus!  I was nearly passed out and collapsed to the floor. The other three men just stood scared with looks of sheer horror on their faces.  Ashley’s eyes turned an ominous inhuman gray, almost silver, color that reflected the sunlight in an other worldly manner. She stood at the foot of the now fallen man in white, and blood stained clothing.  He gripped his neck making a gurgling sound as he coughed up blood.  Ashley menacingly walked slowly toward the terrified men, and one said,”She’s just a little crazy bitch! We can take her!”

One of the employees barfed at the sight of the bloody carnage as Ashley attacked the rest of the men in a zombie induced rampage. Her gutteral growling send chills up everyone’s spines! Virtually everyone including Barb, the Receptionist, fled the building out the back screaming at the sight of a live horror movie taking place before their very eyes! The entire lobby was literally sprayed with blood to the point that the windows were now filtering sunlight in with a crimson tint!  The distinctive metallic scent of blood wafted through the air like slaughterhouse! Ashley seriously lost control for the first time in her life.  Plausibly a combination of being shot, the danger & adrenaline rush of the situation, and a complete denial of her cannibalistic hunger!  I got to my feet, and ordered Ashley to stop but it was too late. All four men were dead, and she was about to go after the poor chubby guy lying in the corner! I yelled,”Ashley snap out of this zombie crap!” as I slapped her hard in the face! She growled, and lunged at me! I was shocked as she was always the most calm, and logical member of our supernatural crime fighting team. I had no wish to acquire the zombie virus so I fled the lobby, and used my remote to close the steel emergency containment doors trapping her within.  I had mere seconds before she reset her sights on the helpless chubby guy. I quickly entered a secret doorway behind the bookshelf leading to an extensive set of hidden corridors in our facility. I came out a secret door behind her, and pulled the chubster in with me.  She spun around, and ran toward us but the door was safely locked. I could hear her growling, and clawing at it like a wild maniac!

I immediately ordered the complete evacuation of the facility while calling the executives back to headquarters.  Unfortunately the Woodland Springs Police arrived just then, and I had no idea how I was going to explain my zombie situation along with a lobby full of slaughtered men! I called my friend Sheriff Blake Maverick who knew about the real world of the supernatural, and thankfully he declared jurisdiction over the police ordering them to leave. Our Senior Vice-President, and Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy was the first to arrive flying down from the sky in her Mystic Sphere energy bubble.  She landed discretely in the back of our facility within the woods.  She came running up through the shocked employees milling around out back unsure what to do next. Once inside I apprised Rebecca of the situation, and she immediately mixed up a potion of Stinking Nightshade, and Purple Passion. Both are known zombie repellants that should theoretically return Ashley to her right mind. In essence repelling her zombie half so her human half could take control again.  From the balcony above Rebecca launched a large balloon filled with the stuff down to the lobby below as Ashley looked up at us snarling at us while sending shivers throughout our body with her dead cold eyes! The balloon burst near her, and the entire area smelled like hell itself!

Ashley passed out for a minute or so before awakening now aware at what she’d done. She started crying,”Oh my God what have I done?”  I lifted the security doors, and we entered the blood stained lobby. I reassured Ashley these men were evil murderers, and it was self-defense.  Rebecca took her home to watch over her the next few days after this unfortunate zombie episode. I also sent everyone home for the day, and told them this was just a drill. Nothing had actually happened. It was all a special effects act to see how they’d react to a horrifying incident. Most of them seemed to buy it as they usually did.  Especially when the Sheriff reassured them my story was true.  I kept the chubby guy sedated in our secret panic room until we were ready to deal with him, and figure out what was going on here.

Firstly we had to clean up mess in the lobby. I called in our team of Supernatural Crime Scene Cleaning Specialists to dispose of the zombie virus infected corpses, and wipe down the bloody lobby. A complete metaphysical deodorization to eradicate the wretched stink of the zombie repellent potion! Their efficient work returned things to normal by the end of the business day. Our executive team fed the chubby guy, and gave him a fresh set of clothes. He informed us that his name was Fred Jacobson. I remorsefully apologized to Fred for throat chopping him.  A now calm, and rational Fred said he understood it had to be done. We quickly ran a background check, and interviewed him along with searching the white van the four thugs had pulled up in. Our Psychic Julia Hathaway also read Fred’s mind as well. Once our Executive VP the Vampire Drake Alexander arrived the final piece of the puzzle came together as he detected a very distinctive aroma in Fred’s blood. What we discovered was a sinister plot to harvest Fred’s unique blood since it seems that this nutty overweight guy was in fact unknowingly an Immortal.  The type of human Immortal born by evolutionary fluke every so often as is the case with the most famous of his kind. The actor Keanu Reeves who we personally know. It seems Fred’s blood test at the local blood bank set off secret spyware in the computer system which then sent an automated message to a powerful vampire in Colorado Springs. Vampires relish in certain supernatural bloods. Especially human Immortals!  The four thugs were the associates of the notoriously murderous Vampire Cortez!

To Be Continued In The Next Few Days….

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Tuesday, May 31, 2016

The Terrenceville Terrors

Ghostly TownSomewhere in Southwest Colorado lies the forgotten ghost town of Terrenceville where a nearby Insane Asylum was de-funded by the State Government in 1903. Asylum Director Shawn Adams let loose all the kooks rather than cooperating with a procedural transfer to another facility. It was an act of revenge for the loss of his prestigious job.  Most of the patients went missing, and were never seen again!  Out of embarrassment the State deep-sixed the entire debacle, and covered up the entire incident which was easy enough before the advent of modern mass media.  It was rumored the patient’s hid among the abandoned buildings of Terrenceville, and inbred with each other along with tourists they kidnapped.  Over the past century various people have claimed missing tourists, and local residents ended up the victims of the mentally ill ghost town populace. Inspection of the town by various law enforcement agencies yielded no sign of any so called residents. So the Terrenceville terrors were always touted as an urban legend.  Mainly by high school, and college students looking to frighten each other. In some cases merchants in nearby communities bolstered the story of the loony bin town to increase tourism.  Now the tales of terror this town has inspired have finally been confirmed as true by us here at Mystic Investigations!

Some of the Mystic Investigations Team barreled down the dusty highway at high noon in the Mystic RV heading back to Woodland Springs, Colorado from a supernatural symposium in Farmington, New Mexico.  It had been a productive two day meeting of paranormal professionals from around the Southwest United States. At the wheel was Mystic Investigations President Xavier Remington. That would indeed be me! Research Assistant, and Werewolf Seth Morgan came up with the brilliant idea to take a shortcut through Terrenceville for a brief impromptu investigation of our own.  Unfortunately none of us had ever heard the urban legend when I said why not, and maneuvered down the tumbleweed ridden dirt road.  We were all eager to get home for Memorial Day Weekend but our curiosity got the better of us!  As we spotted the ghost town ahead both front tires blew loudly, and I hit the brakes.  The RV skidded further, and then the back tires blew as well! Upon inspection we discovered rusty old railroad spikes semi-buried in the dirt road.  We only had one spare tire, and as usual those pesky cell phones can’t get any signal when you really need them the most.  So we decided to wait until our Executive-Vice President Drake Alexander woke up from under the hidden compartment in the floor safely away from the sunlight.  Once a vampire is in a deep sleep he’s impossible to wake-up!  Especially if he’s in the Astral Dream Plane visiting with other vampire spirits from around the world.  We did try to shake him awake but it was no use. The intent was to have him run at super vampire speed to the nearest town, and get a tow truck. Or possibly hoist the whole RV on his back with us inside, and then carry it to town. However that was probably somewhat outside his strength range as a 5th generation vampire.  Certainly his vampire mother Duanna Sargon, a 4th generation vampire, could have accomplished it!

On this trip it was just me, Drake, Seth, our Cryptozoologist, and Demi-Zombie Doctor Ashley Abercrombie (Seth’s Girlfriend), Investigator Elizabeth Weatherly, and Ghost Buster Rob Edmunds.  Back at Mystic Investigations Headquarters Senior Vice-President & Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy was left in command.  It was 8 AM so we had a good amount of time to kill before sunset.  We scattered to explore the abandoned community that sprung up during the 1800’s as a mining town as evidenced by the nearby rusty railroad tracks presumably leading to an old mine.  Only Seth, and Ashley stayed together while the rest of us went off alone. Elizabeth Weatherly was a British stowaway on the infamous sinking 1912 Titanic when my time traveling brother Michael Remington brought her to the future.  She had read about the old west, and hoped to see it along with the rest of the United States when she was on her way here aboard the ill fated Titanic.  She entered a Curio Shop, and was surprised to find a few antiques still lying around.  It was odd nobody had stolen them all these years, and they were without dust as if just placed there.

She opened a music box that played a most macabre sounding tune.  Suddenly she heard the floor creak. She turned around to see what appeared to be a disfigured looking teenager with one eye far larger than the other.  Elizabeth shrieked, and ran out of the shop only to see an otherwise beautiful looking young woman with a full on beard skipping, and dancing toward her in a disturbing manner while holding her long skirt.  She was singing a song about slicing people up while displaying a sinister smile.  Elizabeth screamed,”Help!”, and was about to run down the main street when a big brute carrying a bloody ax came strolling across the street toward her.  She instead bolted in between the buildings frantically but was met by the disfigured boy, and an even more horrifying looking individual who resembled the Elephant Man.  Her howls for help fell silent as the bearded woman came up behind her, and placed her hand over Elizabeth’s mouth.  The bearded lady then whispered in her ear,”Be silent sweetheart or your friends will die long agonizing deaths. You’re a member of our family now!  Earl John seriously needs a wife.”  A somewhat less than savory looking man, yet not deformed, stepped up from behind Elephant boy, and said,”She’s mighty pretty! Oh might pretty indeed!”  The ax wielding behemoth named Jeb arrived next to the bearded woman, and said to her,”The future father of your unborn child must have heard the screams.  He’s running this way!”

Rob Edmunds ran into the alley between the wood buildings but found nobody. However he noticed the dirt freshly scuffed about indicating someone had been there recently.  He spun around to find the motley crew of societal rejects.  Rob was then instantly met with the butt of an axe to the face courtesy of the the muscular 7 foot tall Jeb!   Out cold he eventually awoke in a dark room with mouth gagged, and hands tied to a squeaky old bed.  The bearded lady named Shelly Ann tending to his head wound.  She silently reassured him,”Shhhhh honey we’re together now.  If you treat me right I might shave my beard off for the honeymoon.”  Rob lie there thinking,”Oh God please shave that thing off if I have to go through with this!” LOL!

I was in the tavern looking around imagining a piano playing, card games taking place among cowboys, and gun fights being instigated.  I did think it was interesting that the place looked rather clean when there was an open door letting dust blow in. A small tumbleweed even blew in while I was there.  I was looking into the shattered mirror in back of the bar when I saw the axe wielding giant Jeb behind me.  I said,”Well hello there big fella?  Are you with the Welcome Wagon?”  He ran at me roaring ready to ax me good but I thew two Ninja stars at him rapid fire. One hit his hand causing the axe to fall to the floor.  He fell to his knees, and I roundhouse kicked him in the face causing him to fall backward. I hopped over his hulking form, and ran on to Main Street.  Before I knew it a swarm of freaks came out of various buildings holding large sticks, and sharp implements. One even had a pitchfork!  I then declared,”I never felt so welcome in a town before. The love I’m feeling right now is really heartwarming guys.  Seriously I’m feeling a special connection here!”  Yes in dangerous situations I often act like a smart ass. It’s a defense mechanism. LOL!  They ran at me screaming with crazed looks in their deranged eyes!  I then utilized my special martial arts mix of Kung Fu, and Ninjutsu to let loose my fists of fury, and crushing kicks amid my flying Ninja stars, and throwing knives.

As I fought the mob off I grabbed a broom handle from one of them, and began swinging it around wildly batting them away.  These wayward wackos were coming out of the woodwork in droves, and a whack to the back of the head brought my epic battle to an end!  I awoke on a wood floor with my head aching in what appeared to be a jail with one of my legs chained to the wall.  The sunlight filtered through the boarded up windows with the shadow of the axe loving jerk named Jeb sitting nearby.  Once he saw I was awake he walked over with a menacing look on his face, and said,”If you weren’t already promised to my sister Sue Ellen I’d rip your guts out, and feed them to my hogs!”  I replied,”Oh for joy! You’re the dream brother-in-law I always wanted you big bastard!”  He literally rattled my cage, and roared like an enraged gorilla while unlocking the jail cell. I got up, and he punched me in the gut causing me double over back on to the floor. I then muttered,”May I have another sir?” He then kicked me in the stomach, and I barely replied,”Awwww God thank you! I loooooove it!”  He let out a guttural roar again before locking the cell, and stomping out of the building slamming the door behind him.  I sat on floor allowing my head wound to rapidly heal as all my injuries inexplicably seemed to do since I was a child. This despite the fact that our Cryptozoologist Ashley Abercrombie certified I wasn’t supernatural in any way.  Once I was back to full fighting ability I planned to escape, and save my team members.

Seth, and Ashley went to the outskirts of the town following the railroad tracks as they indulged in their romance holding hands in the desert like wild west outdoors.  They entered a dark mine shaft as Seth joked,”Let’s see if we can find some gold to make a ring for you!”  They giggled amid the darkness that they could see in since Seth had enhanced Werewolf eyesight, and Ashley had a more limited ability with her Demi-Zombie vision.  Seth was by no means in control of his Lycanthrope transformations, and was beholden to the Full Moon.  However in human form he did have enhanced strength, speed, agility, and senses.  Still nowhere near that of our 5th generation vampire associate Drake Alexander who still lie asleep under the floors of the Mystic RV in a sealed special tank to prevent him from burning to flames in the light of the holy sun!

Meanwhile a group of nutty Terrenceville citizens entered our RV scavenging it for supplies.  A man named Thomas Allen, the Mayor, and leader of the morons, said,”After you pick this bastard clean get the tractor, and pull this thing out by the barn.  I think it’s high time I had a proper Mayor’s office!”  Drake Alexander deep in vampire sleep was in the astral plane visiting various vampire blood relations including his vampire Mother Duanna Sargon who was currently sleeping in a New York City penthouse. He was unaware of the nefarious happenings going on above him nor in the ghost town around him.

Seth, and Ashley found an ore cart on some tracks.  Seth said,”Hey let’s ride this thing! Looks like fun!” Ashley replied,”Why not!”  He shoved it off with them inside, and further down the sloping mine shaft they went. They pulled out their trusty LED pen flashlights as every remnant of daylight disappeared  At the end of the line they climbed out, and headed down a side tunnel because they both smelled something peculiar. The tunnel opened up into a larger cavern. There they witnessed the horrific sight of over a century’s worth of rotting beheaded corpses, and skeletons riddled about the cave.  Seth commented,”Man this is jacked up in a major way!”  They decided to head back, and tell the others about what they found.  Unfortunately they didn’t get far as bright lights were switched on, and a group of loony locals were blocking the way out with sinister smiles on their sick faces!

An old woman wearing creepy mime make-up said,”You really shouldn’t have come down here.  We can’t really let you leave now.  By the way how on Earth could you see in here with those small flashlights?”  Seth replied,”Oh I’m a Werewolf, and my girlfriend here is a human-zombie hybrid.”  The old woman wasn’t amused while some laughed, and a few of the younger ones acted scared.  She turned to the frightened ones, and said,”Don’t fret! They’re just silly sacrifices for our Director Lord Savior The Shawn Adams.”  She pointed toward a side chamber as the pitch fork, and sharp stick wielding clan marched forward.  They all ended up in a room with some despicable looking religious altar with the well preserved body of a man in a suit embalmed inside a glass case with liquid in it.  The old woman continued,”He released our ancestors from the very bowels of hell itself!”  Ashley replied,”I bet you mean a mental institution don’t you?”  She saw some papers on the altar indicating who the man was. The old woman screeched,”Shut up, and be grateful for the privilege of being a sacrifice to The Shawn Adams!”  The normally well reserved, and respectful Dr. Abercrombie then replied,”I’m more grateful for having the privilege of punching you in the face!”  At that moment Ashley did just that, and Seth joined the fray in the chamber of horrors! Clearly the group was taken by surprise at the enhanced abilities of this unusual paranormal dynamic duo.  Seth heard more people coming down the mineshaft, and they both ran in order to prevent being trapped. On the way up they fought through more townsfolk.  Seth picking up a number of men, and tossing them aside.  The attackers looked shocked at how easily a small girl like Ashley could knock them to the ground.  Once out of the mine they fled the scene quickly!

Unfortunately the group in the Mystic RV managed to find the controls to open the hidden compartments including the weapons cache.  The Mayor now holding a machine gun along with the rest of his now well armed group cut Seth, and Ashley off at the pass.  The Mayor then coldly yelled,”Kill them now!”  Bullets flew everywhere riddling the bodies of both Seth, and Ashley before they could spring away.  Their lifeless bodies were then returned to the mine shaft altar for proper sacrificing as the Mayor put it.

Back in the jail I heard the mass gunfire, and picked the old lock on the rusty chain around my leg with a hidden tool I always carry with me.  I picked the cell door lock as well, and then easily kicked down the old wood door of the jailhouse along with beating the ever loving hell out of guy standing guard!  I ran in the direction of the gunfire to witness Ashley, and Seth being dragged away leaving a trail of blood behind.  Although I wasn’t particularly alarmed as I was rather sure they were still alive. You can’t kill a Werewolf nor a half-zombie with mere bullets! There was however a part of me that wondered if any of them shot the one gun that was loaded with silver bullets!  If that was the case then Seth was a goner for sure. Thankfully Ashley would not be affected since silver doesn’t hurt zombies. I lurked back to the RV to see them removing the metal casket with Drake sleeping inside.  They opened it as the Mayor tested for a pulse, and breathing yet found none.  Luckily it was under the shade of a large tree otherwise his body would have began smoking, and eventually catching fire in the light of the holy sun. He then said to one of his cohorts,”Maybe these folks are our kind of people driving around with a fresh corpse!  Take him to the sacrifice chamber.”  At the time I wasn’t worried because I had no idea that their method of sacrifice was beheading. A sure way to kill a vampire! I couldn’t worry about the supernatural members of my team now because I had to find the humans Rob, and Elizabeth. I promised my brother Michael I’d keep Elizabeth safe the last time I saw him before he left on his last trip through time never to be seen again.  At that moment Elizabeth was being forcibly bathed in a horse trough after having her clothes ripped clean off.  The bearded woman Shelly Ann whispered gently to her,”You’re going to love Earl John.  He’s such a big man if you know what I mean?”  She giggled as Elizabeth cringed at the thought.  A girl ran in, and happily exclaimed,”Hurry up, and get her dressed the Preacher is ready for the wedding!”  Shelly Ann, and two other women helped her out of the tub to dress Elizabeth in a dirty white wedding gown.  Shelly was excited,”After you get hitched it’s my turn with your friend Rob!  In fact I have to go get ready now.  You gals tend to her, and make sure she gets to the church!”  I saw the bearded woman run off as I sneaked up on the building.  Sure enough there was Elizabeth standing there as naked as the day was long! LOL!  I allowed her the dignity of getting dressed before I entered.  I ran in and demanded,”She’s coming with me ladies!”  One grabbed Elizabeth, and the other came at me with a large rusty razor blade.  I easily overpowered her while Elizabeth elbow jabbed the other in the ribs.  We both hightailed it out of there, and headed for the hills as the women screamed we were escaping.

Rob wasn’t having it so easy as he was being literally hosed off in a horse stall in a rickety old barn.  The three men standing there were laughing as the man with the hose yelled,”Come on spread those legs!  You need to be clean for your wedding night!”  Shelly Ann strolled in just then, and gazed upon Rob with lust in her deranged eyes as he covered up with his hands.  Shelly then said,”Oh don’t be shy sweetheart!  We’re going have so many nights of love together.  I know it’s supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the wedding but I just couldn’t bear to stay away from you honey! I just got a new blade so I’ll be shaving my beard soon.  I think I look absolutely divine with just a mustache don’t you think boys?”  The men all giggled, and nodded.  The bearded woman turned around to leave but she fell to the hay lined barn floor because Elizabeth punched her in the face. I grabbed the hose from one of the guys, and began rapidly wrapping it around each one while simultaneously punching, and kicking them.  They lie knotted up on the ground rather quickly.  Elizabeth tied Shelly up, and gagged her because she kept screaming.  Rob got dressed, and said,”Am I glad to see you guys!”  As I had been skulking around I estimated there were well over a 100 residents in this so called town! We all made our way to the mine as quickly as possible hiding from terrifying townsfolk along the way!

Seth was placed on the altar of The Shawn Adams ready for beheading by axe courtesy of the giant Jeb.  Ashley, and Drake lie next in line.  All appeared to be dead but they weren’t.  Seth’s bullet wounds were rapidly healing. Ashley’s far less quickly due to her zombie half not getting the human flesh it needed because she refuses to partake of such cannibalistic acts! Fortunately she could most likely still function being riddled with bullets. Drake a vampire fast asleep without a care in the world was about to meet his demonic maker!  Jeb stood menacing over the sleeping Seth as he raised his axe with sinister glee, and let out a guttural roar, and exclaimed,”This one’s for you my Holy Lord & Saviour The Shawn Adams!”….

To Be Continued…..Now of course since I’m telling you what happened I’m the only one you know survived this ordeal for sure! At least I got back in time to celebrate Memorial Day! LOL!


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